If you send an email telling me that flights from Japan to Europe are 75,000 yen, I will click over to look.

It REALLY irritates me when this price is only valid for April 2010, three fucking months ago.

Get your shit together.

from HERE

Genius.

For now, feast your eyes on Marion Cotillard’s boobs.

(If anyone can tell me how to embed this – I’d love to know.)

When I started teaching, I felt like a fake. I just knew the kids knew that I felt stupid singing songs, dancing around and playing games.

Now, a little over a year in, I feel like a real teacher.

Why? Because when playing Halloween-themed bingo, I get a sick amount of pleasure from saying “Ready? Set? Ghost!!”

And then pulling out the ghost card.

I know.

Be afraid.

So I went home in August for over a month. It was the first time I had put on cold-weather clothes in four or five months.

Now, I’m a jeans girl. I wear jeans a lot. At home it never gets cold enough to not be able to wear jeans, but in Japan, jeans are off-limits for the whole summer.  I was really looking forward to wearing my jeans.

But, (butt?) they didn’t fit. As in, I couldn’t get them over my bum. Closing them was out of the question. I had somehow put on about 15lb. In 8 months.

I can always buy more jeans. And it’s not that being 15lb heavier is all that bad, it’s just that I’m here for another year. I don’t want an extra 30lb of ass to be my souvenir from Japan.

I’d been reading motherhooduncensored for a while. She had some baby weight to lose and chose Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred, starting a new shred blog to document progress. It worked. Her before and after pictures are amazing.

I went and got the video. I bought workout clothes for the first time ever. (Gym clothes for school don’t count). Shorts, sports top, anti-friction socks and running shoes.  I own over 40 pairs of shoes and not a single pair could be even loosely termed trainers.

I started level 1 mid-September. It nearly killed me. Needless to say, I’m hideously unfit. Stairs give me problems. I am the girl who “forgot” her gym clothes every single week for four years in school. Eventually they stopped giving me detention. I just hated PE.

The Shred consists of three 20-minute workouts. Levels 1, 2 and 3. You do each one for ten days and then move up. Jillian isn’t the nicest trainer. In fact, she’s fairly abrasive. She really pushes you though, and does seem to get results. The only negative reviews the Shred gets on amazon are whiny “It’s too hard!” posts or “She says ASS!!” complaints. As far as I’m concerned Jillian can say “ass” as much as she likes. Every time she says it my own ass shrinks a little in fear.

On the difficulty level, yeah, it’s hard. I just had to get over it. I can imagine that if you weigh 250lb it will be difficult. There is a lot of jumping. Knee problems will make this next to impossible. But, there are modifications. Personally, two pushups is my maximum. I do them from the knees.

There’s no getting around it. The Shred is rough for a total beginner. If you’re really unfit, even level 1 will make you want to puke (raising hand). Six or seven days in, it got easier. I was getting cocky. Level 2 was a shock. These shoulders were made for carrying handbags, not lifting weights.

Today I start Level 3. I am afraid. In fact, I’ve been putting it off all day. This post is a delaying tactic.

What will make me do it is that I am seeing results. I haven’t lost any weight, not a single freaking pound, but my jeans are looser, my stomach is flatter and I’m hella fitter. I’m pretty sure that if I had been following some sort of healthy eating plan I would be losing weight. Maybe next time.

Can’t you just see the panic and fear in this guy’s guests’ eyes?

They’re wondering who has taken over his body and is making him saying things like “This results in…”, “super easy”, “super-secret-special document”.

FLEE! FLEEEEEE!!

PS – I’m free.

When your class of exceptionally rowdy 13 and 14 year old boys want to learn the words to Avril Lavigne’s “Girlfriend”, check the lyrics before you agree. I’m expecting angry phone calls from parents.

Subnote – Avril’s a bitch.

Watch all dvds before showing them in class.

No matter what you might think you remember from a decade ago, Happy Gilmore is not suitable for showing to a class of rural Japanese students.

The kids laughed, I cringed.

At least “dickwad” went over their heads.

I hope.