The Inevitable


I really try. I read books. I read the news online. I watch movies. I talk to whoever I can. 


And yet, I am forgetting my English. A few months ago I couldn’t remember the word kneecap. Then I was talking to the boy and I mentioned that I needed to get “a… you know… what do you call it… when you get some of your paycheck in advance of payday?” “Ummm… an advance?


But then, the other day, I committed the unforgivable. 


I said… “holded”. 


I’ve never heard someone say “holded”. It was like my poor starving brain couldn’t remember the right word and just applied its own internal grammar to the problem, like a little kid saying “eated” or “runned”. 


The worst part is that I wasn’t even fumbling for the word, it came out in the middle of a pretty normally-delivered sentence. I didn’t even notice for a couple of seconds.


I’m afraid.


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