30 Day Shred


Be afraid.

So I went home in August for over a month. It was the first time I had put on cold-weather clothes in four or five months.

Now, I’m a jeans girl. I wear jeans a lot. At home it never gets cold enough to not be able to wear jeans, but in Japan, jeans are off-limits for the whole summer.  I was really looking forward to wearing my jeans.

But, (butt?) they didn’t fit. As in, I couldn’t get them over my bum. Closing them was out of the question. I had somehow put on about 15lb. In 8 months.

I can always buy more jeans. And it’s not that being 15lb heavier is all that bad, it’s just that I’m here for another year. I don’t want an extra 30lb of ass to be my souvenir from Japan.

I’d been reading motherhooduncensored for a while. She had some baby weight to lose and chose Jillian Michaels’ 30 Day Shred, starting a new shred blog to document progress. It worked. Her before and after pictures are amazing.

I went and got the video. I bought workout clothes for the first time ever. (Gym clothes for school don’t count). Shorts, sports top, anti-friction socks and running shoes.  I own over 40 pairs of shoes and not a single pair could be even loosely termed trainers.

I started level 1 mid-September. It nearly killed me. Needless to say, I’m hideously unfit. Stairs give me problems. I am the girl who “forgot” her gym clothes every single week for four years in school. Eventually they stopped giving me detention. I just hated PE.

The Shred consists of three 20-minute workouts. Levels 1, 2 and 3. You do each one for ten days and then move up. Jillian isn’t the nicest trainer. In fact, she’s fairly abrasive. She really pushes you though, and does seem to get results. The only negative reviews the Shred gets on amazon are whiny “It’s too hard!” posts or “She says ASS!!” complaints. As far as I’m concerned Jillian can say “ass” as much as she likes. Every time she says it my own ass shrinks a little in fear.

On the difficulty level, yeah, it’s hard. I just had to get over it. I can imagine that if you weigh 250lb it will be difficult. There is a lot of jumping. Knee problems will make this next to impossible. But, there are modifications. Personally, two pushups is my maximum. I do them from the knees.

There’s no getting around it. The Shred is rough for a total beginner. If you’re really unfit, even level 1 will make you want to puke (raising hand). Six or seven days in, it got easier. I was getting cocky. Level 2 was a shock. These shoulders were made for carrying handbags, not lifting weights.

Today I start Level 3. I am afraid. In fact, I’ve been putting it off all day. This post is a delaying tactic.

What will make me do it is that I am seeing results. I haven’t lost any weight, not a single freaking pound, but my jeans are looser, my stomach is flatter and I’m hella fitter. I’m pretty sure that if I had been following some sort of healthy eating plan I would be losing weight. Maybe next time.


I’m Not Alone!





via decorno

(Obama himself, by the way. Not Hillary. Or even poor old Janet. Yeech.)

Stupid Japan


I’m sure this happens in other countries, but gah!


Who the crap makes a ketchup bottle so flimsy that just holding the bottle makes ketchup fly out and spatter all over my kitchen and feet? God dammit!


I just spent the last ten minutes cleaning up the murder scene before I realised that I should have taken a picture for the blog. Then I actually contemplated re-spilling the ketchup. Man, I’m bored. 


So instead, here’s a picture of the equally-flimsy mayo bottle. 




Looks innocuous right? Hang on, I’ll just try to pick it up…. 


The pathetic thing just collapses in on itself.


Upside – portions of the kitchen floor are now clean. Even if they do smell a bit like ketchup.

Japanese Kids Wear The Darndest Things


Another day, another hilarious item of clothing.

Today it was a ten year old girl wearing a hooded sweater.
The writing?




Sometimes it’s hard to keep from cracking up. I wish I could take pictures, but it would just be too weird.

One of these days I’ll have to set up a hidden camera.

Stop Motion Magic


Check out this beautiful video by Israeli artist Oren Lavi. 


Original Obama Material

Some Einstein has remixed the audiobook version of “Dreams From My Father” by our friend Barack with techno beats. 


Slightly offensive, totally delightful.